Do you feel stuck in life and anxious?
Yes I have been there too. Many times I have felt stuck in life and anxious into the pit of my stomach. Then I learned about myself and developed skills to get myself unstuck. I also learned about what my anxiety was trying to teach me in relation to my life and my balance.
A lot of it has to do with being lost…
I shake my head often and ask myself why are we as a society so lost and confused, and anxious. Going through the motions afraid to look deep within and ask the real questions that we are running from. I try to answer these below in my list of 25 reasons that you feel stuck and anxious.
It all plays out in the body you know; those aches and pains and symptoms are a cry for attention. That anxiety is a call to action.
We don’t want to listen to the rumblings within. We have never been taught how….
We get so stuck; paralysed stuck, and fear admitting it or seeking life transforming kick ass personal coaching to help us find the voice within that holds the answers. Old school therapy doesn’t work so much as a gifted guide that sees you and senses the call of your soul. The gifted coach, therapist and soul healer draws you out from yourself; the truth behind the problems. The problems are just the mask….
Is this you?
- I feel anxious.
- I feel lost.
- When I stop I feel uncomfortable; I don’t stop.
- I feel tired.
- Deep down I don’t trust life or that good things will come my way.
- I don’t ask the right people for help.
- I am trying to be the expert of everything; I google things a lot.
- I am constantly changing my diet and self-help strategy and I am rather confused because everything I read says something different. Yet I don’t seek advice from an expert.
- People and life has let me down.
- I don’t listen to my intuition.
- I don’t trust my judgement.
- I get bouts of anxiety or depression or anger just out of nowhere.
- I am constantly battling something in health, finance and relationships.
- I want to feel seen; I post on social media and I am involved in forums and groups on social media.
- I read endless self-help books and advice blogs.
- I like blogs and quizzes that tell me about who I am and how special I am (me too!!).
- I feel stuck.
- I don’t understand why I feel so anxious.
- Life is against me.
- I escape from life often in food, alcohol, television, drugs, online and other distractions.
- ? can you think of more?
I want to bash my head off a wall
One of the most frustrating parts of my job as a healer and expert in functional medicine and conventional health is that people don’t seem to want to help themselves. I have spent a life time educating myself and learning from experiences so that I can help people with all that I have and yet the people don’t seem to want to help themselves.
It is a strange thing; I see so many people around me struggling and when as a healer I gain a nudge or insight to share, and I do so because I care, the person I am lovingly giving the time and support to block the advice with an argument, a defense or an “I know better reply”.
This feels so hard because I am here to support and help. I see the person, I see their beautiful soul and the universe is gifting them support through me, but the wounds of childhood/ life and the feeling of not worthy or not good enough block that love coming to them via me. So what can I do only step back and respect the person and hope that one day they can hear the love and support and advice that wants to flow to them. If not from me, then from another.
There is no doubt that life is a journey and filled with lessons in love, life, health and relationships. It can feel overwhelming at times. However, there is no weakness in seeking support from those with experience, education, and a burning… Click To Tweet
These people are you! I see you struggling, I see you facing challenges in health and emotions, in spirit and soul, and I don’t for the life of me on a rational level understand why you don’t simply allow the help.
I see your whole story, I see a good person that is deserving; I am on your side.
I can help you. I can support you. I can empower you along the healing journey that your body and soul is calling you to.
I am here to listen, I am here to help you problem solve, I am here to remind you of how to do what you already know; I am here to support and encourage you. I have so many solutions for you because I have spent a life time either researching these for you or solving them for myself through my own personal challenges. Often that great universal love is whispering through me with the right words and insights for you….
I cannot help, if you don’t ask. And if I am not the right one to help you, then maybe I know someone else that is that person.
So I am here rattling my brains to solve the conundrum of why people don’t want to heal the easy way, why they don’t seek help from the true experts and why they seem to want to prolong the rumbling around in the shit of life feeling hard, painful and well STUCK.
This is the learning experience I guess, but it can feel easier! We can learn through positive experience and insight rather than pain and challenge.
I cannot promise to solve all of these problems and I will write a few words here to prompt you to think. Some of what I write may bring up emotions for you, or you may want to argue with me because it hits a nerve; GOOD! That is where you follow the trail. FYI I am constantly having to work on several of the following points as part of my own life-long mission.
Life is curious, life is challenging; it is like a maze of options with a lesson at the end of every route. There is no perfect, there is no easy, it is quite simply a journey of experience, failures and success. If it was easy, if we didnt face the battles we would learn nothing. We would have no empathy or compasion for others, no experience to share with the younger generation and nothing worth while at the end of it all.
If we can put our hands up at the end of the day and say I gave it my all, I lived, I faced the challenges, I learnt and I grew and I experienced great bliss and rock bottom and everything in between; then I think we can say that we lived life well.
…in time the good stuff sticks and the tough stuff fades away if we so choose.
It’s all an adventure .
So what might be going on?
#1 You are afraid to ask for help.
And will fall into one of two boxes 1. you are afraid to admit to yourself that there is a problem or 2. paradoxically you aren’t afraid to admit to having a problem and may even tell everyone that there is a problem but you are afraid to work through it (so you will find friends always stuck in problems and never solutions’ you know the kind of conversations that I mean).
I believe that the strongest of people allow themselves to be vulnerable. Asking for help takes courage, strength, a willingness to be exposed and challenged. To seek help and support is something truly admirable that every good therapist and coach will embrace and encourage.
There is no weakness in deciding to take a bit of time out to figure out life, what it means to us, what matters to us, what drives us and creates passion in our lives now is there?
So then it is not a weakness to say that what life looks like now may not at all be what you wish to experience. The only way to make changes is to stick your hand up and say ‘ this sucks, I need a little time and guidance to figure this out, please help me’. Nope no weakness, no failure, no judgement; when you look at it this way it makes perfect sense doesn’t it?
If you business has a problem you ask an expert for advice. Why not the same for your life?
If anything there is admirable strength in calling in support to help you find yourself on a deeper more meaningful level. And yes, it will be scary, and there will be face plants and failures, vulnerability, realisations and uncomfortable spaces – that is called growth!
We live in a world of pseudo-experts, inauthentic gurus, social media influencers, motivational speakers and fast-track certifications. Find the expert that has the education and the experience, seek out your person of support.
The world is full of “sort-of-experts” and far too little value is placed on the knowledgeable experienced experts and I am unsure of exactly why?
Expertise takes time and investment? Many experts speak a language of common sense and surely it cannot be that easy? Yes it can; there is much complexity to the simplicity (yeah head twisting that concept)! Years of education, client experience and personal experiences mean that the true heart-led skilled healer, coach and therapist can easily see where to go and guide you along the most simple of basics and the result is astonishing transformation and personal empowerment. It is simple, but it isn’t.
In summary seek out someone who is good at their job and has multiple tools and vast experience. (or work with me!).
#2 You don’t feel worthy.
I don’t need to say very much about this one do I? This is the crux of the matter for most of us although how we express our unworthiness is individual and not always at first obvious.
I don’t feel worthy, I am not deserving, I am not good enough, I am not lovable, I must change myself….. and on the list goes.
Start doing the work here; it is truly life transforming. This video by Marissa Peer is fabulous. In fact all her work is check out her other videos. I don’t think she is the first person to say that may issues fall back to poor self-esteem; but she is the one who does this work well!
Start today working on feeling worthy: meditation/ guided meditation and doing a total revamp on the way that we talk to ourselves is a massive start to change how we see our worth.
We can unfortunately never change how people may have spoken to us in the past; we can however change how we speak to ourselves, how we allow others speak to us and how we speak to or about others. If you change your words and energy state within, it is amazing just how much this changes those around you.We have to work on self-worth from the inside. Click To Tweet
#3 Your ego is attached to the wrong things to gain a sense of tribe and identity.
Are you trying to be something or someone that you are not? Are you overly attached to labels and titles? For example your career, your sport, your body, your diagnosis and disease, your diet, your religion, the list of things and groups that we attach to is endless. And boy do we argue tooth and nail with those that oppose our tribal view.
We start to define ourselves and seek focus and attention by what we attach to. Sometimes what we attach to actually determines how how we feel about ourselves. (Have you read The Five Levels of Attachment by Don Miguel Ruiz Jr.).
Can you see yourself beyond all the labels? If the career fell apart, the race is lost, the illness cured, the body changes through aging, the diet has no label, the cult or team falls – if all the ways you define yourself were to fall apart are you still able to see the you behind it all?
The perfect you is still there behind it all….
Something I see a lot in my line of work is people becoming overly attached to, and defined by, their illness. I am not dismissing the seriousness or challenges of being unwell; however sometimes It is easier to identify with a problem and gain a tribe of other sufferers along the way (and get stuck there) than it is to solve the problems and live a life of health and no limits.
We are not our diagnosis, we are separate. Can you think of some examples of extraordinary people that achieved amazing lives despite a life long illness or disability? Some people defy their diagnosis, some refuse to limit their life experience; some choose to believe in more…. and so that’s what they do.
#4 You are being too hard on yourself.
Are you stuck using words in your head that are against yourself?
Are you judging yourself on where you must be, what you must look like, what size your biceps or thighs must be, your parenting skills, where you should be in your career, how well you should perform in sport, how much money you should earn and in a gazzillion others ways? Is this blocking you from happiness?
Is your head filled with so many judgements that you cannot actually hear your authentic voice, your intuition, or the voice of wisdom that is trying to come to you.
You are blocking the flow of life. You are blocking yourself from who you truly are.
#5 You want to control the process: survival 101.
You have been through hard stuff earlier in life and let downs by people that you trusted. As a result you are afraid to reach out in case you lose control and you don’t want bad stuff to happen again.
I wrote a blog called Pain wants to make you stronger; have a read!
#6 It’s easier to make excuses.
You say that it costs too much or don’t have the time, or are too sick, tired or busy.
In truth you do have the time, the money and the energy; it is all about what matters most and making the things that are important a priority and ditching the rest.
Think about what you stand to gain in making change; yes it is scary. Change is for all of us!
The people that face change seemingly effortlessly have just learnt to accept that failure is a part of life, and discomfort is the price to pay for growth and the payoffs of moving forwards…
I believe that they know where they want to get a little more clearly than those of us that shrink back averse to change. But it sucks staying stuck in life!
#7 You want to be seen.
Of course you do! This is built in to us from the moment we were born. We came out of the womb demanding attention with a full set of lungs and a cute face and a cuddly squishy body that smelt amazing to our parents and then life started to get complicated for them and for us!
Be mindful of how our illness desires to give us an identity; and that this can sometimes hold us back on the healing path. Sounds harsh; but I see it time and time again. Be separate to the symptoms, be separate to the diagnosis, be separate to the labels be separate to it all as much as you can and focus on simply BEing…
Think about the ways that you want to be seen? Is it your chronic fatigue or your giant kind heart? Your autoimmune condition or your volunteer work, your cancer or the hundreds of ways that you already inspire people through just being you, your anxiety or your art?
Find yourself beyond; serious illness can be a massive wake up call to us and time and time again as I work through the healing process with people I see first a struggle where the condition becomes the identity, and then when people smash through this I see a person emerge that is ten thousand times more because they found themselves in the struggle.
The illness cannot define who you are because you are so much more. Don’t ever let your illness hold you back. Don’t let the illness be your voice; find your voice.
There is great healing there, in allowing and surrendering. We all desire to be seen; trust that you are and allow the symptoms be the guide rather than the enemy, the route map rather than the definition of your being.
#8 You only get love when something is wrong.
A long time ago the only way that you got attention or love may have been when you were ill or sick. The rest of the time you may have felt invisible. You did not get the attention and love that you as a child needed.
You are an adult now; I know that you are strong enough to love yourself from the inside out; nose to tail.
And sometimes the truth until we learn new ways to be accountable to our lives…
#9 Never good enough.
Growing up you learnt that you were never enough to deserve love just for being as you are. So you learnt that you always had to be doing something to get attention or feel worthy of love.
Sorry to call you out on this but this is a completely dated and useless way of seeing yourself.
Is it actually true that you are not good enough?
#10 Self sabotage – don’t be too good.
To add to the never good enough drama of our lives we may also have experienced the conflict of when you were successful or good you still received criticism. So where do you go from here?
Yes it is uncomfortable being successful and winning; people will judge you. You will be in the spotlight more and face envy and accusations and all sorts but seriously are you going to continue letting this hold you back?
When you cannot please anyone or everyone; you may as well go out into the world and kick ass being the best version of yourself…
#11 You aren’t being authentic.
Have you ever watched the documentary about the life of Avicci on Netflix called True Stories? Avicci was a gifted and I suspect highly empathic music composer. His talent led him into a life that wasn’t his truth. He wanted to share his music but the modern music scene does not nurture creative gifted people. He became part of a machine and I suspect lost himself in it.
It is not easy to stay true to yourself in a world that asks you to be something else. Stay true to yourself…
#12 You gain something staying stuck.
Agh you will hate me for this but at all cross roads in our lives we have choices. We often gain something being stuck and it holds us there. It feels familiar, or we feel needed, or we don’t feel lonely, or we don’t piss other people off because they want us to stay put and so the list goes on. There is only one problem, we actually don’t really want to be there at all.
“Cheese is milk’s leap toward immortality.”Cliff Fadiman
#13 You are afraid to stop.
I don’t need to add anything to this only ask yourself are you afraid to stop?
#14 And you are exhausted; you have forgotten how to “be”.
How long more can you keep holding all the balls up in the air? How much longer can you try to live a life that you feel you must instead of what you wish for?
How much longer can you try to sustain a lifestyle that doesn’t bring you satisfaction or meaning?
What would you do if I said that you can do what your heart craves, what your soul desires and what your body needs and that you can start right now? Sometimes it is the little things that make the biggest difference; sometimes all we really wish for is more time, more time to be…. where can you start taking time back?
#15 You have forgotten.
….yourself, what really matters in life, your innate value system and you are busy are chasing the wrong goals.
Society, conditioning, parenting, schooling and the whole corporate or success ladder has led us to forget what really matters in terms of personal values, morals and ethics, goals and priorities.
Truth be told very few of us are are actually taught what truly matters in life.
And that it is what is on the inside that counts the most; and what you cannot buy that holds the most value..
#16 You are terrified of yourself.
You are powerful beyond belief.
That can feel scary.
That changes the game, and it comes with responsibility.
Knowledge of your power also it also shatters perceived barriers in your way…
What would you do tomorrow if you trusted in the power within?
#17 You fear disapproval.
You are terrified of disapproval and what others may say or think or worse still say behind your back.
Being driven by fear; is not at all the same as being driven by love…
#18 You must back yourself.
And that is hard work!
Don’t be complacent in the pursuit of your goals and dreams just because at times it may be inconvenient,
or feel uncomfortable.
The path is not always clear,
not everyone will be in agreement with your beliefs,
sometimes you will feel uncertain about the next steps.
But if the desire is in your heart,
and a sense of purpose infuses your whole being,
then DON’T GIVE UP,
keep moving forwards………
#19 You are afraid of failure.
Say what? Yes, failure freaks most of us out because we have been taught that we must get it right and that failure is bad (which we take to mean as we are bad).
Newsflash failure is how we grow and where learn how to do it better; failure is built into achieving success. Listen to every successful person’s story and they will tell you how many times they failed along the way. The difference between them and others is that they never stopped trying; they didn’t quit and they didn’t shy away from trying in fear of failure.
Fear of failure leads to feeling stuck; because in essence you are.
Here are a few of my mumblings about failure in my personal blog Journeys in Healing: Failure
#20 You aren’t consistently grateful.
Are you guilty, like the best of us, of being grateful when convenient. We are ‘occasionally’ grateful.
We post on social media about gratitude and the “thing” that we want to talk about and then 24 hours later are bemoaning our life problems once more.
We fail to see all the gifts in our daily lives. The gifts in the small stuff; a warm bed, food on the table, running water, birdsong, the kiss hello, the hug goodbye, the bad joke, the sun, a chance at another day…..
Don’t forget about the silent warriors in your life, the friends and family members that you often take for granted.
Quit putting false friends and influencers on pedestals and start to see just how much those in your immediate circle are the true gifts in your life. They teach you, support you and care for you; they stretch you and yes they also wound you. Never forget they that are only human too; that their journey has created their own scars. None of us come out of life unscathed and if anything our own journey should teach us compassion for others.
You forget gratitude when things get hard; but it is the hardness of life that is the most giving and insightful of teachers.
# 21 You are running scared.
This is a little different to #13 afraid to stop or #19 fear of failure. I am describing that feeling of anxiety ripping through you and not even knowing why. You feel anxious, broken, and that something is wrong with you; and sometimes it just rears up out of no where making you feel even more crazy.
We are surrounded by media these days; grabbing our attention with sensationalist headlines and worse case scenarios. You cannot open a phone, turn on the radio or walk into a newsagents without getting a blast of the latest bad news headline. Arguments of this side versus that abound. Even the weather forecast these days triggers a sense of dread; bad weather is now a storm, rain is now a flood warning, snow a call to load up the fridge in the event of an apocalypse and sun is a climate change rally..
Social media, news channels, newspapers and magazines, governments and websites have all mastered the art of keeping us in a perpetual state of high alert and adrenaline. We can barely think for ourselves.
Also consider that each of us has the innate ability to sense energy from the environment around us so you are also picking up on everyone else; that person with road rage in the car, that person with financial worries in the store, that other person dealing with life stuff – we are all connected and swimming in a sea of energy that for the more sensitive of us can be overwhelming.
I will keep this short; if you are feeling anxious often, paralysed in your ability to make decisions, stuck in your head with worries and fast repetitive negative thoughts, then reach out for help. A therapist or coach will empower you with skills and strategies to help you become more present, grounded, and calm and when faced with a challenge more resilient.
Learn to live in the present. Learn how to connect your feet to the ground. Practice meditation, mindfulness and awareness.
Think for yourself.
Peace is the ability to separate yourself from the frenzy of life.
#22 You aren’t listening to your body
The chances are that you were never taught how to listen to your body. After all we live in a society where more is never enough. Everyone is encouraged to push through and ignore all the red flag warning signs until it is too late. At that point we end up sick, tired, and mentally burned out.
If you don’t listen to your body anxiety is often an early call to attention; the warning before the big warning.Learning how to listen to your body is an invaluable skill that will serve you well. Click To Tweet
and aren’t feeding yourself correctly as a result
If your body is under-nourished and over stressed you will feel tired and anxious. It is very hard to break that loop without making changes. Eating well provides your body with the nutrition to function optimally.
It is well accepted that nutritional deficiencies and/ or calorie deficit and/or numerous food additives and/or alcohol can lead to mental health issues.
The link between poor diet and anxiety and depression is strong.
#23 You see your body as an object
Who doesn’t these days, but does that make it right? I fear that placing too much focus on our bodies is linked with body image issues and problems with anxiety. It is not our true nature to place more importance on our looks than who we are.
Is obsessing about how we look making us happy?
Or are we wasting our lives stuck worrying about what we cannot ever be happy enough with…
Heal the relationship with yourself first… then you will see your body a very different way; and change how you care for it.
#24 You forget the power of the simple stuff and chase after the complex
Someone is always trying to sell you something.
Do you need to go on the complicated restricted fad diet or simply eat better? Do you need to buy that thing, do you need to go on that course, do you need more stuff to be happy?
I believe that in this day and age of complexity the most skilled health and well-being experts are actually those focused on the crucial basics: knowing their client as an individual, seeing the problems and challenges, guiding them in the basics, and drawing out of them what truly matters.
These seemingly simple strategies that address health, lifestyle, and purpose achieve the most profound of shifts in health.
Do you need to do more or actually step back do less? Do you need everything to be so fricking complicated?
#25 You are surrounded by and are following the wrong people
You get to choose who you spend time with and how much time you spend with them. Make your circle of influence as positive as you can; the people you send time with should make you feel good about yourself and inspire you to continually be more. A positive circle also helps us deal with family members or work colleagues that may not always be the most positive.
In other words find and build your tribe, in your real world and in your virtual world…and make it a good one.
Finally don’t forget that you have a choice…You are stronger than this. Choose you, choose health, choose happiness, choose doing the right thing.. Click To Tweet