The farther I journey this life and the more people who touch me with their lives, the more I see that many amazing loving people in this generation are holding the pains of not only their childhood and youth, but the pains of generations. And they are bravely stepping into their journey of healing not only for themselves and their families; but for the future. The future of generations and the future of our planet. The future for everyone.
It hits me deeply through my heart to see so many astonishing people of pure heart in our midst that are sitting on the cusp of healing for all that came before. And so many are unaware because the pain that comes with this healing can feel all engulfing.
Hang on….. a roller coaster can be fearful…. or filled with laughter.
All we can truly know is our own journey. As an empath I can feel a part of the story and pain in another; but I have never walked in your shoes or spent a day in your hearts. I get a glimpse in many that touch my presence of the way it feels in their body and hearts and this is what drives me with a passion to make a difference. I will be there to hold you safe. I will go to the ends of the earth to learn all the ways that I can help you release your pain; and in truth the only ways I can do this is to learn to release my own pains. I am so truly grateful that in my writing this blog, which you are now reading; I too heal.
I never understood why I felt different or why I hurt so much growing up. I guess now I know; I felt my pain and I felt others pain, and I felt world pain. The journey of my life has been to embrace all that I am, and allow all that is around me. This is a daily challenge. One that I would never change as I also feel the joy and love in others and the world even more intensely now I allow everything; and what a blessing this is.
There are many beautiful sensitive souls walking amongst us now. You may be one, your child may be one. Don’t change, don’t cut off your heart, don’t hide, don’t swallow your words, don’t deny the world of your healing tears and beautiful passion, don’t disbelieve your insights and knowledge; the world needs you…. MORE THAN EVER.
I see your beautiful souls when you cross my path. I see the physical pain; I feel it in me and I hear it in the language that your body speaks to me. Your body did an astounding thing for you when you were a child; it took your spiritual and emotional pain and held it in a safe place. It helped you survive your world; a world that was confusing and terribly uncertain. A world that felt unsafe.
Your body held your pain and your mind disappeared into a world of your own. It is all that you knew to do; and it got you to here. More than likely there were other pains too that added to this. All the words of verbal abuse said or unsaid yet felt; the emotional bullying; the cries for love; the hunger for spiritual food; the yearning for safety; the let downs; the back stabs; the physical hits, punches and sexual domination; the control and manipulation…. we can all write a long list here!
You dealt with what you could and your body stored the rest. To protect you until NOW; now being the time that you are strong and ready to release all this S H I T and be free. I mean really free…. so free that you can feel a part of all this world, in all its colours and intensities, flavours and experiences….every end of the spectrum.
When we felt “less than”, loved with conditions and walls, numbed our emotions, controlled our bodies, over ate, comfort ate, shut off our voice, or disappeared into a world of self punishment because “Wasn’t there something wrong with us? Weren’t we responsible for this mess? Wasn’t it our faults that everyone and everything around it was chaos? Hadn’t we done something wrong that Mummy or Daddy didn’t love us or see that we were afraid?”
When we learnt this we were only doing what felt safe and logical….. at the time.
I bet that you got really good at turning things back on yourself.
So…… now you are an adult don’t you want to feel, love, and be all that you are?
I was tearing up a mountain today feeling emotions that were slapping me so hard in my heart I didn’t know what to do with them. As I find myself in a situation perpetuating the wounds of old, I was scrambling away from feeling and back into punishing.
In fact I went up every hill three times; because that is how I learnt to escape feeling terribly unsafe and unloved and where I felt things were certain as a child when things felt like an emotional washing machine around me. Whether they were or not in reality doesn’t matter; this is what I felt. But I am 38 years old now and as far as personal development goes I have grown a thousand years. So why was I back here tearing up a mountain again? I have forgiven myself, I have forgiven others, I love myself, and I love everyone that walks my way.
So what was going on here? I wasn’t internalising the negative words of old as I have learnt my own positive dialogue; I was trying to wrap my head around how people can behave the way they do and how do we survive in this? Or more correctly thrive.
“If you understand others you are smart.
If you understand yourself you are illuminated.
If you overcome others you are powerful.
If you overcome yourself you have strength.
If you know how to be satisfied you are rich.
If you can act with vigor, you have a will.
If you don’t lose your objectives you can be long-lasting.
If you die without loss, you are eternal.”
― Laozi, Tao Te Ching
I know that in your heart, as in mine; we have the strength to forgive and accept. So what truly is going on here?
And then it struck me; when I took the earplugs out of my ears and I tuned back into my heart and I felt the choir of nature in the silence of the hills around me.
Why would you want to beat yourself up more if getting beat down verbally emotionally or physically is what you experienced in your life?
Why continue this pain?
Why deny yourself health and nourishment and nurturing be it physical or spiritual?
Enough is enough!
This is often a self-care issue.
This is usually a failure to take positive steps for your own self
This is often a denial of your most basic needs for love, food, rest, joy, and play
Because you think that you aren’t worth it.
REALLY? Do you really deep down believe this still?
Why would you continue with this physical or emotional pain?
Sometimes we have to protect ourselves by being smaller and acting invisible; but inside we should no longer feel small or invisible. Sometimes you have to hold back while gaining the strength to make the changes to create your safe space; where you can be all that you are. Sometimes like a larva in a cocoon, you must break free of fear and create your own space of love. Only you hold the power; and this power is in your decisions.
Self-care, self-nurturing, and self-forgiveness is required to heal these wounds. It is not easy, especially as this journey must be taken all the while those around you are on their paths and may not want to change. This is their path. Remember it is our reaction to their pain that hurts us. They are suffering also and they may not be ready to change or heal; they may never be.
To use the words of a beautiful angel Holly Riley (whose book I highly recommend) “You must simply allow it to be. And Love, love, love yourself.”
It has been a week of learning and growing for me; stretching beyond that which I was before; I wish you the same my dear friends.
If I may share some of my ramblings:
Some day each tiny water droplet in there will reach the oceans and countries afar, the clouds in the heavens and blend with the colours of the rainbow. And all they are doing is going with the flow and trusting in the direction. Nature teaches us the most profound lessons, when you watch and listen.
If the spring flowers worried about ‘what if’ or weather forecast hearsay, and didn’t just know that it’s time to blossom, then they’d never burst through the soil each spring. There is a beautiful strength in permitting things to be as they are meant and trusting absolutely in the universe.
Gorse is a blossom that reminds me of my granny Rae. She is always with me reminding me to follow my heart, my intuition, and my path. It was her anniversary this month; April 4th.
You would be amazed how much life is shifting from old ways to new. Change is very much happening. Don’t feel alone. You would be amazed how many mothers, children, people in corporations and offices, therapists and teachers are walking and talking and being this change. Coming from a place of heart and soul, knowing and heightened consciousness. And not necessarily knowing it or seeing their part. So often feeling so alone and different; you are not alone. And you are different; thank god! And my goodness they’ve generally been through it. Difficult childhoods, challenging people, mental breakdowns or phases of being utterly lost, health challenges and illness. I see amazing people in my clinic every day. On the brink of knowing all they are capable of and shedding the last health troubles. You are the warriors of love that are changing today’s world and healing the wounds of history. Replacing hate and fear with love and acceptance. You see that the journey is not from A to B but is in A to B. Hang in there; trust that being you, is what the world needs right now.
I love you all
PS April is a month for growth; flow with it. The following clips may prove supportive and insightful.