Last night, December 22nd 2014, we went to a beautiful Christmas Carol service in Abington Church, Murroe (County Limerick). Mum, Dad, myself and my love all bundled into the car after a long day; it was one of those evenings when it would have been easier to stay at home.
The service was an ecumenical service and the little picturesque church at Abington was packed to the rafters with locals from all denominations including representatives of the Catholic church, the Protestant church, and Abbot Mark Patrick Hederman and Father Anthony from Glenstal Abbey.
There were readings, prayers, a collection for the St Vincent de Paul Society and carols. There were lots of carols and LOTS OF SINGING. The roof was almost sang off with hearty lung-filled performances and the organist Koki was close to heart failure more than once as she attempted to contain the competitive fractions vying for hymn speed. I had the biggest smile on my face; I wonder was God laughing too. There was Christmas spirit in the air in abundance and it was beautiful. Just the singing alone was enough to shift the weight of worries from every shoulder.
We all headed back to “the big house” as tradition would have it for too much mulled wine, far too many biscuits (cakes, pies, and tarts) and colourful chat and entertaining stories. There was enough Christmas love for it to not matter that one car never survived the parking in the mucky field.
I thoroughly enjoyed hearing all about India from Father Anthony; he seemed more Indiana Jones than Monk if you ask me and confessed to wanting to be Hindu. He had me sold on India; one more mark on my world map of travel destinations.
There was no religious separation tonight;
just people and stories and
The rekindling of old and forging of new connections.
Just how it should be!
Later that night for some unknown to me reason I got a dose of the “I don’t think I am good enough wobbles”. You know the ones were you hit yourself with “I am not good enough” moguls and start measuring yourself up to the ridiculous standards that we as a society have set for ourselves about success.
I didn’t feel smart enough, educated enough, sufficiently knowledgeable, successful, yadayadayada. In summary I felt woefully inadequate and indulgently sorry for myself.
So my boyfriend reminded me about what it is all about
What makes you happy
(along with a kick up the ass for feeling sorry for myself…..)
I momentarily forgot that I made a choice many years ago to place my pharmacy career behind me and to forge a life in helping people and making a difference as best I can using the skill sets that I have. I knew that this would be the trickier more challenging path and I never questioned the rewards I would feel in silently doing all that I am and can to help others.
Quite simply I decided over 14 years ago to do what I love; helping people, listening, nurturing people, and assisting their return to health. And it has taken me close to 14 years to learn how to do this unconditionally and invisibly as best I can.
And the farther I have journeyed the more I have embraced the unique ways that I do this. I resolved to let go of measuring myself up against the scientific community I am immersed in, family and colleagues expectations and perceptions, in addition to my own ridiculous beliefs about success. Not everyone gets me; in fact not many get me and I must just get on with being me as best I can. I don’t get this perfect by any means!!
So it got me thinking…..
Your light shines the brightest when you are true to yourself.
And it is with your light that you hold the capacity to create magic……
I don’t know how often you pause to stop a moment and ponder the wonder of your life. But I think that it is important to stop; I mean to really stop and to take a step back and look at yourself with loving honest eyes.
Because for all the loved ones in the world I don’t think that anyone can really see the ALL that you are, or help YOU to see all that you are as profoundly as you can (when you remove yourself from your ‘stuff” and see yourself clearly with pure loving eyes).
Look at yourself as if through the eyes of a child. If you wait for others to give you permission to feel good enough you may never see who you really are and all your infinite potential.
Stop and really see the ALL that you are:
Feel the heart that beats with love when you remove fear,
Appreciate the arms that embrace when it doesn’t matter that someone hugs you back,
Feel into that inner wisdom that just knew when you needed to know,
Shed the sense of body and step into the awareness of your greater being and life force,
And feel the wonder of knowing that you are a beautiful light on a journey of discovery and experience.
Become aware that in any moment of vulnerability you stretched yourself farther than you ever dreamt possible,
Overcame obstacles when you thought fear paralysed you,
Cried tears when the pain cut deep,
And fought hard for your beliefs.
You really never gave up did you…..
Forgive yourself for comparing yourself to others,
Your path forward was always perfectly paced.
Triumph in the small steps and daily actions,
Success is in the dreaming, doing, creating……
Life is not a Race to the END but a voyage WITHIN.
Consider the path that you have come through, survived, endured and ultimately thrived in.
Smile at your epic failures.
Be conformable that the Path unfolds when you go with the flow,
Listen, learn, laugh….LET GO.
Acknowledge that you always are doing your best and if not then gently resolve to try harder starting NOW.
Life is full of diverging paths; be FLEXIBLE in your goals and dreams as new options unfold.
Appreciate the bravery when you chased dreams bigger than you dared,
Give gratitude to that Greater Power that has wrapped you warm in his embrace when you needed it most.
Share your heart,
Shine your light,
Take time to listen to the whispers of your Soul.
You are worthy……..of all that you dream and desire.
See people purely from our hearts.
Be at peace and calm in the midst of every storm.
Accept that people hurting us are hurt people.
See our past through the eyes of our own nurturing parent.
Appreciate the power of self forgiveness.
Understand and release the pain of the past and that people’s behaviours aren’t our fault nor a reflection of our worth.
Not only accept but embrace that we are good enough.
Love our way through fear and when the fear feels too great trust that there is a greater Force holding us safe.
Feel the soft rain on our faces,
The wind embracing our limbs,
And the sun expanding our consciousness.
Let go more often ,
Jump into fantastical adventures,
Say I love you more often,
Dare to shine bright……..
I wish you joy, peace, and love this Christmas.
PS this link contains inspiration: http://imgur.com/a/Zd7Gu