Today I met with a representative of Cycle Against Suicide, Colin, to offer all that I can to assist their cause. I will be doing volunteer work contributing with the skills that I have. I promised to write a blog about mental health and suicide awareness; as well as other helpful and more typical and expected endurance nutrition information and educational support.
Mental and emotional health and suicide…..
These are deep topics, both sensitive and serious in nature; where do I start? I thought about this the whole way back in the car from Mallow to Limerick and so many thoughts and insights whizzed through my head about all that I wanted to say to YOU.
My thoughts were galloping. I wanted to tell you my story; that I was a terribly sensitive child and found my teenage years terribly uncertain and anxious; how I at times struggled with being pretty much in and not only on the verge of breakdown in my twenties; that at times I felt suicidal thoughts before I realised I am an intuitive empath, that in my experience working as a pharmacist I often crossed paths with persons labelled as suffering with mental health problems and that I disagree with labels as we are all people and not a condition or a diagnosis; that all my career I have felt that persons suffering with all spectrum of mental health conditions are not given sufficient time or love during their treatment. And also, I wanted to tell you that it is normal to feel mental stress when things in your life are pushed to the limit. If you are stressed, not sleeping, not eating correctly, over exercising, have nutritional imbalances which then influence biochemistry, if you are struggling to understand trauma from your past or present, or suppressing feelings and emotions, or simply are lost in your life; then you will experience many symptoms from anxiety to depression to feeling like things in your head are running out of control. I believe that with the right care and support, healing, emotional release, acceptance and forgiveness, and nutrition most of us can return to feeling amazing. This is my goal for every patient that comes through my door. But this isn’t what I truly wanted to say. Because all of the above is easy; it is the xyz that every caring therapist will guide you through.
No I wanted to say a few words… and this is where I am going off the script. So please be patient with me also. I have all these words inside me that I want to share so that you can see yourself as I see you. As a beautiful and perfect person that is so much more important to our world than you can possibly ever imagine. That you can achieve all of this by just being your true you and following your path; and yet you know deep down already in your heart that I speak the truth.
So I imagined that I am standing in a room in front of thousands of you. And the thousands in the room in front of me are the youth of today: YOU. I wanted for you especially to hear my words. So I completely imagined this and at first I had the fear and saw this:
And then I realised that truly you are all this:
I wanted to say this to you all:
“I know that you feel lost
I know that there are days when you get out of bed in the morning and you don’t know what the hell you are doing
I know that growing up was tough; I know that your parents often at times pushed you, hurt you, told you that you were lazy or no good or said nothing at all
I know that you feel invisible
I know that you feel different and unsure of your path
I know that some days you work so hard and you plain don’t know why; you feel numb
I know that you are sick of hearing every one complaining
I know that you have fear in your heart and the future feels so terribly uncertain when you actually stop to think about it.
I know you push yourself to be perfect; to look good enough, to say the right things, to walk into the right job, to get the high grades… and deep down you are thinking:
WHAT THE FUCK ……is this life?
You are the intelligence that sees through the dogma
You are the inspiration that sees the problem in a new way; you may even see no problem
You are the master of the teacher; if only you knew how you could make them listen
You are the solution without the Question
You are the knowing that sees that there is far more, so much more that you cannot even comprehend how you have this knowing
You see no race, no colour, no religion, no divide, no boundary
You are the heart that joins all sides and shatters divisions
You see from heart; yet your brain tires to understand yourself because you keep jumping from heart knowing to the hamster wheel of logic
You see a NEW when all around you are stuck in the old
You have a passion inside that frightens you; yet you know the truth lies within
You know you have a voice that is so ready to speak yet you don’t quite know what your message is
You feel that they is something important to be done; and cannot yet see what this is… but you feel it is HUGE
You are ready to speak out and yet are afraid of your voice
You are the voice that will demand attention (when you find it)
You are the gift that sees the heart in everyone
You are the angel that the world needs right know
However, it isn’t going to come easy; you must step up, make change in your life, follow your heart, listen to your inner guidance and intuition (yes THAT is the other voice in your head) and stop draining your talents and energy in ways that deplete you (body and diet obsession, TV and video games, gossiping, complaining, excessive drinking or recreational drugs. You have to start taking care and nurturing yourself )
I don’t know if anyone has told you yet; but you truly matter. For who you are; not what you are. For the truth you speak and not the dollars that you earn. For the love you radiate and not the BMW and the big house that you should buy. For the message that you know; and not the designer labels or HD lashes.
Your path to freedom is in letting all of this superficial stuff go. The stuff that we were conditioned to want to have and yet feels so terribly empty and meaningless.
There is freedom in just being yourself, with less on the outside and all of your divine on the inside. And yet we fear this. When that little voice inside starts to tell us that we know things, that we are powerful and strong, and beautiful and wise we squash these thoughts so fast because we think we are going nuts. Listen to the words of Marianne Williamson. Print them out and stick them on your wall:
Our Deepest Fear
by Marianne Williamson from A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
I wanted to tell you;
That I see you all standing there in front of me in my vision. Hearing my words. And somehow remembering for the first time what it is that is your passion; what it is to feel like you are stepping into your first footprints on the path that you already know is towards home. That for the first time in your heart you feel so full with passion and excitement and knowing, that you want to jump right in. When the heart is full there is no space for fear or doubt. The people with doubts and opinions melt away into obscurity because this is your choice now…. to grab life and be all that you know you are….
“Our lives are not our own. From womb to tomb, we are bound to others, past and present, and by each crime and every kindness, we birth our future.”
“Fear, belief, love. Phenomena that determine the course of our lives.These forces begin long before we are born and continue after we perish.”
I love you all,
Please do explore the other writings on my blog, they are written from my heart in my own journey of self-exploration to guide and assist you on yours. Please especially read these:
PS: I am not sure who wrote this; I stumbled across it this week and I wanted to share it:
Am like the first snow flake that sticks
And lets the snow blanket paint the landscape
Am graceful like a flower in the breeze
But have the strength of the oldest oak tree
Have the power of a thousand oceans
But the fragility of a tear drop
Have the focus of a surgeon
And the heart of Buddha
Shine like the stars
AND have the colours of the rainbow
Am solid like the mountains
But float free like the clouds
Is the friend that is strong like a warrior?
And nurtures like a mother
Am the lover whose hand YOU hold tight
AND carries you when you tire
Am present on earth and in spirit
Because I see the beauty in life, EVERYWHERE
Because I want to learn as many lessons as I can
I love and trust in a greater force
Every day is a blessing, every lesson a gift
And every challenge an opportunity to grow
I am, I love, I trust